I rang in the new year last night somewhere off in Dreamland.

Yup, my night was pretty exciting. I was in bed by 10:30. Several factors contributed to my poor showing: foremost was the fact that I'd agreed to fill in as worship leader at this morning's church service (a whopping 14 people were in attendance...such is the life of a rural church, I suppose). But I was also pretty tired out, having just finished off a great week of hosting the Estellas and showing them around my peculiar lil' hometown and home state. So, while I had several offers to go out and party with folks (mostly old friends from high school), I declined and called it an early New Year's Eve for the first time in ages.

You wanna know the truth? I don't care much for New Year's Eve. I haven't for at least a few years now. I can't quite explain why, though you might find a clue from one of my favorite TV shows. I popped in my Adventures of Pete and Pete DVD today and watched the "New Year's Pete" episode, as I can relate to little Pete Wrigley in this particular one. Pete finds the whole notion of celebrating the end of one year and beginning of another to be rather pointless, in part because the end of the year serves as a sad reminder of all that could've been. He's disappointed that the end of the year has come and his sole resolution--to change the world--has gone unfulfilled ("After a whole year...the only thing I changed was my underpants.").

For the past few years, each New Year's Eve has found me a bit more cynical than the previous one. The end of the year comes, and I find myself wishing that it wasn't already over. There's much still left for me to accomplish, or so I think. A number of people are no longer a part of my life, and that number seems to increase with each passing year. And then there's me. I think the hardest part about New Year's is taking a good long look at yourself, and finding that you're not the person you want to be. And so, I've greeted the last few years not with a steely stare and a puffed-up chest filled with the air of confidence and self-assuredness, but rather with an awkward and feeble attempt at making at least some eye contact as my head hangs a bit low and my defensive and deferential stance betrays my ever-wavering sense of childlike optimism and faith.

I'm looking forward to 2006, but not with the same kind of excitement and enthusiasm that I greeted, say, 2002 or 2003 with. I'm welcoming 2006 with trepidation, with half-hearted optimism. It's going to be a big year for me, there's no question about that. I just hope that the year to come will not be filled with more disappointment, regret, and loneliness; I can't help but think that it might.

But, like lil' Pete, I'm also hoping that this year will find me making good on my new year's resolution to change the world. I know, that sounds like your typically naive and overly-idealistic friend Dave talking there, but there's also a practical side to that resolution. See, in that episode, Pete found that changing the world begins when we bring joy and hope into even one person's life.

My hope and prayer is that you and I can do the same, and make someone else's world a better one this year.

Happy New Year, friends. May it be a blessed one for you.

Random, random things to share at this late hour:

1. This is Sick - I've come down with a cold. Again. Second time in the last three weeks! This doesn't bode well for my trip back west (which commences in three days).

2. Facial Hair - Because I've been staying at home a lot recently, I've neglected to shave for probably over a week now. There's a part of me that wants to let the Grizzly Bear Adams continue to grow so that I have a full-fledged version by the time I get to Northern Iraq (in roughly 20 days). That, and I've toyed with the idea of not plucking my eyebrows so as to let them reunite...many of the Kurds I've seen in photos sent from the school are sporting wicked unibrows, and, well, it might be a nice gesture of solidarity (however insignificant the gesture might be) to grow the unibrow myself.*

But going back to the beard: if I do continue to let it grow, I'll end up sporting it on my trip back to LA next week, and that may just freak people out. Thoughts?

3. "You should be in my space. You should be in my life." - A couple nights ago, I stayed up late perusing MySpace profiles of old friends. If you're on MySpace, and you and I are connected socially somehow, there's a good chance I read your profile. It made me unbelievably sad, though. There are so many folks with whom I used to share my life, and with whom I have since pretty much lost contact. Now, you'd think that would make me jump right in, sign up for MySpace and reconnect with friends, right? It should, it really should. Sadly something's holding me back from doing it--probably the fact that I feel so sheepish about having lost touch with so many dear friends in the first place. That, or the fact that I really dislike the online social networking phenomenom.

4. Music, Books, and Memories - I spent the entire day clearing out my room, going through various odds and ends and deciding what the fate of each should be. Since I'll be bringing very little with me when I go abroad, I'm getting rid of many, many possessions, and arranging for the rest to be put into storage. More than anything else, the bound-for-storage items mostly appear to be CDs, books, and "memories" (meaning ticket stubs, playbills, tons and tons of photos, cards and notes--I'm one of those packrats that doesn't throw a single card away--and assorted knick-knacks).

5. "Choices" - The worst class I took last year at NYU was, hands down, the "Discovering Your Dream Career," a crock of a one-day seminar that I would've hated all the more if I actually had to pay money for it (thank God for tuition remission!). I didn't like it 'cause I felt like it was a very impersonal and very inadequate approach to get each person to the point where they could recognize what they wanted to do with their life. And, well, you know me: I went in hoping to nail down the ONE thing that I should focus my life on, and I came out with the same laundry list of careers and dreams to pursue. Lousy class.

While cleaning the room today, I came across the writing exercises that we did in the class to "help" us discover our "true passion" in life. One of these freewriting exercises, titled "Choices," caught my eye. Even though I wrote rather sloppily and in vague, unspecific terms regarding the things I wish to do with my life, it's a pretty good manifesto of what I see as my life's purpose. And even though it was a poorly-constructed, off-the-cuff freewrite from a year ago that was never meant to see the light of day, I'd like to share this statement with you.

( it's behind the cut )

*Having re-read #2, I think this may be the first time such a (ridiculous) statement has ever been uttered.

I just had one of those yeah-this-is-a-good-metaphor-for-my-life-right-now moments a little while ago. I figured it's worth sharing, if only to share what's going on with me without getting into details.

Do you ever stop in the middle of a public place, and, in front of all the people gathered there, allow yourself to appear lost and even confused as you try to figure out where you're going? I know, I know, that's kinda random...but do you? See, I rarely do. And I'm sure it's because I don't like people seeing me looking lost and confused.

Well, a little while ago in Washington Square Park, I did just that. Walking along a pathway that's lined on both sides by rows of benches, I found myself unsure of where I was actually going, so I stopped and tried to decide where I was going and why. Let me tell you, it was awkward as hell, standing there and looking completely confused (no wonder I've always avoided this); I fidgeted with my cell phone in hopes that I would look less-awkward to the people sitting on the benches to either side of me.

I'm in that moment right now, or at least in something like it. Walking along a certain path for a while, I've found myself stopped, visibly, in front of many people, feeling awkward and unsure of myself as I figure out the next step to take. In a way, I feel very lost and confused. But I am pretty sure that I know what my next step is; the trouble is that I'm so afraid of taking that step. Really, truly afraid--for many reasons. And even more than that, I'm paralyzed by self-consciousness, afraid to take that next step in earnest because I feel like everyone's watching me (something I always thought I relished). If, as Shakespeare wrote, "all of life's a stage," then I'd say this pretty much amounts to a serious case of stage fright.

I'll divulge more details soon, I promise. I just have to re-examine myself, my desires, my motives, my beliefs, etc for the 1,000th time before I go forward one way or another. Your prayers, as always, are much-appreciated.

Sorry for the recent lack of posting. It's been another too-tired-to-write-something-insightful-or-interesting week. Anyway, I meant to share this earlier.

Last weekend can pretty much be summed up in two words:

Painting and recording.

Painting: the kitchen of the house. I slapped down a layer of primer on Saturday night, and then did some of the cabinets Sunday night. Sibling bonding with the pseudo-sister ensued ("This is the most fun I've had with you in the two years you've been here," she said while trying to scrub splattered paint off her arms on Saturday night. I'd have to concur.).

Recording: Saturday and Sunday. We used GarageBand to work on one of Thom's songs, "Youth Culture," and I laid down some tracks on a new one I'm working on, tentatively named "Steel and Glass."

( If you want to continue reading my disjointed thoughts on my own songwriting, click here. )

A slow day at the office + A lack of interest in writing anything overly-meaningful = SURVEY!

It's of the 10-9-8-7... variety, and it might make for some interesting reading if your day is going as slowly as mine has. If, after reading it, you haven't a) learned something new about me, or b) laughed or even chuckled at least once, I'll find a way to refund the 3 minutes of your life that I've wrongfully taken.

( Here it is... )

I generally don't like the reader-submitted articles on the Relevant Magazine website, but today I read one that struck a chord with me.

It should be entitled "Quarter-life Crisis," as that's the more popular term for what the author discusses. But no matter: the article is "Mid-20's Crisis," and it closely reflects a lot of things I'm going through right now.

Maybe it'll strike a chord with some of my fellow twenty-somethings. I hope it will. I hate feeling like I'm the only one amongst my circle of friends who's dealing with this.

OK, so two things that I'm going to share:

- As I previously hinted at, here's a shot of the new, aerodynamic look that I'm going with for a while. I certainly caught a lot of people off guard this morning at church, and I'm anxiously awaiting* the reaction from folks at work on Tuesday.

*And by "anxiously awaiting," I mean that I'm not really looking forward to having everyone give me that Ohmigosh-I-can't-believe-you-did-that-to-your-hair! look. It's hair, folks. It grows back. In the meantime, enjoy getting used to a more aerodynamic DT.


- Also, as I previously hinted at (a while back), I've finally uploaded a 1:15 minute sample .mp3 of one of my songs, and you can download it for your amusement here. It's "Governor," and you can also read the lyrics here if you wish.

I spent much all of this weekend playing with GarageBand on the new iBook, and once I got the hang of it, I started recording a few "fleshed-out" versions of my songs. The major difference between these and all of my previous recordings is that I could finally add drum loops, which add so much to the arrangements. So, in this song, you'll hear the following: drums (not exactly as I'd like them to sound, but pretty close), bass (going the fake, "software instrument" route on this one, sadly), acoustic guitar, electric guitar, piano, organ, and two sets of whiny vocals (recorded, like all low-budget demos, in my bathroom). Overall, I think it's pretty close to how I've always imagined it would sound, though it is still a very rough cut and there are a few mistakes here and there.

This is one of my first songs that really "works" for me, both lyrically and musically. Taking a cue from R.E.M., I tried marrying two themes together to make one story; it's a rather vitriolic and angry song during the first two verses (as you might expect in a song about betrayal), but I'd like to think that the third verse is the hopeful part of the story--the redemption.

Of course, you don't get to hear that; this clip is of the second verse. So I hope you like vitriol.

Man, I just wrote a lot about a 74-second clip. To be perfectly honest, though, it's because a) I'm really excited to finally share this with you, and b) I'm also rather nervous about sending this out into cyberspace for all the world (aka, 10 of you) to hear.

Regardless, there you have it: newly-shaved head and newly-recorded song. Lemme know what you think.

Here it is: the last interview (as far as I can tell). Again, I thoroughly enjoyed thinking about and writing my responses to all these questions, and I hope they weren't too ridiculously long that you didn't enjoy reading them. This time 'round, the questions are courtesy of firecrackerrr; answers are courtesy of me. Melissa's five questions were as follows:

1. What has been your highest point in your faith? Your lowest?
2. Describe your best childhood memory.
3. If you could ask G-d one question, what would you ask?
4. You had an incredible college experience. What is one thing you wish you could have done differently?
5. You meet an incredible girl. She's beautiful. She's intelligent. She's funny. She's perfect. You get to know her, and the more you know, the more you want to know her even better. Before you know it you've fallen in love with her. One problem. She's not a Christian. What do you do?


( And Dave's answers are as follows... )

Today's first interview questions come from Aaron (thelpslayer)...I'll be tackling Melissa's (firecrackerrr) questions next, and that will end what has become a 6-part interview. I don't know if it's 'cause it's Friday and I just can't think straight, or if these questions were particularly hard to answer, but it's taken me a while to think up the responses to these last two interviews. In any case, I've enjoyed answering all the questions posed to me--it's been quite an exercise in creative and analytical thinking. I'm sure it's been more interesting and fun for me to do than for you to read, but nevertheless...here are the next five:

1. The Office Space question: What would you be doing with your life if money wasn't an issue? What's your "dream job"?
2. I know you're not here to witness it firsthand, but based on your experiences and what you hear, what do think is AGO's greatest strength/weakness?
3. What thing that you've created are you most proud of (it could be a song, a photo, a thesis, etc.)?
4. The two schools I had a tough time choosing between were NYU and USC. I liked USC better as a school but NYC far better as a city. What's your prognosis on the schools and their respective cities?
5. How did you feel right before "Operation: Closure"? You had to be at least a little nervous.

( And now, the next batch of long, drawn-out responses. )

Quincy (rollotomossey) was kind enough to submit questions for the never-ending interview (and as he puts it, "they're longer than most, but that's because they're more important.").

You'll notice that my answers are a vain attempt to be just a fraction as witty as he is. I fail miserably, but I encourage you to read on just the same.

( you know the drill by now. )

OK, I'm spending entirely waaay too much time doing these--I think I've asked one other person for questions, but that'll be IT (unless a certain J. Quincy Miller wishes to interview me, in which case I'm up for a good laugh).

Today's questions come from scmeggiry:
1. You're 10-year-old Dave and you're going to stay at a friends house overnight. What's in your backpack?
2. Who was your first real crush and who was your first celebrity crush?
3. What are the best qualities you got from your mom and dad. What are the worst?
4. What is your favorite part of your New York day?
5. You've met the girl of your dreams, you're ready to propose. And you're gonna do it right. How would you propose if money and logistics weren't an issue?

( Click to read some soul-baring and wordy answers. )

I'll probably have a few more of these popping up in the next day or so, seeing as how it's become the latest craze (thanks a lot, shaggy). Nah, it's kinda fun, and it allows me a bit of self-indulgence.

These questions are from pbxtrjn4lfe:
1. (I like this one from Jon so I'm gonna steal it...) What's your first memory of knowing me?

2. What's your funniest memory of living in LA & NY and which still makes you laugh the hardest?

3. Do you think you'll continue to live in NY or do you think you'll move elsewhere? If so, any clue where?

4. Do you think you'll ever get a job involving your degree?

5. And lastly, what would be your advice to someone (i.e. like me) to get their spiritual life back on track?

( click here to read the responses )

I found this on kuhn's journal, and decided to ask him to interview me. Seeing as how it prompted a number of comments on his LJ (15 at last count), this looks to be a popular meme. So here are the instructions...comment, and I'll "interview" you:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the five questions Jonathan asked me:
1. Do you actually remember meeting me at Orientation, and if so what was your first impression? (If not, then what was your first impression when you actually did meet me?)

2. What would you like to do on your honeymoon? (besides have sex of course)

3. You can only listen to one CD for the rest of your life. What is it?

4. If you had a chance to "do over" anything in your life so far, what would it be and why?

5. What do you consider the worst thing about USC?


And here are my answers: ( click here to read 'em )

Drinking? A glass of terrible red wine from the Admitted Students Day reception they're holding in our lobby.

Alone? Well, techinically, yeah. I'm the only one in the processing room of our office, so I'm saying that I'm alone (don't worry--I'll be leaving as soon as I'm done with this wine and LJ post). So Friday night finds me drinking all by myself.

If you're trying to figure out whether to laugh or whether to feel bad for me...well, take your pick. I'm trying to be funny and serious at the same time, which, if you really want to know, is a common defense mechanism of mine. I'll make light of a situation that I don't wish to be in, in order to downplay my frustration/sadness and pretend like I don't care, but by telling you about the sad situation in the first place, you know that I'm not entirely care-free about it.

Did that make sense? Well, if it didn't, I'll go ahead and spell it out. It's Friday night. I have no plans except to do some home repair (re-attaching tiles to the girls' bathroom wall). And I wish I had other plans, like normal 24-year olds do...plans to go out, enjoy food and drink, live music, some ambience perhaps (be it coffee house cool, dance club dizzying, or whatever), and friends.

...

It's always great to have friends visit--I've been very fortunate to have a few visit this week (Sarah and then Tim, and I promise to tell you more about Tim's and my fun evening on Tuesday) and a few more friends will be coming to visit next week. But it's the times in between that I find myself here...wishing that this glass of terrible red just wouldn't end.