Talk About the Passion

This ain't goodbye...just an attempt to shake things up a bit.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:30:23 GMT

As if you couldn't figure it out, I've been having tremendous bouts of writer's block when it's come to posting on this ol' LJ.

So, my solution was to start a new blog, one that's a bit more thematic in nature. So far, it's working.

The project is called A Year of Thanksgiving. The goal is to post at least once a day for the next year, each day sharing about something for which I'm grateful. Think of it as a one-[white]-man Stuff White People Like, except with 95% less irony/funny, and 1,002% more wide-eyed earnestness (the stuff I can do pretty well).

I hope you'll take a look.

Will 300+ posts of schmaltzy, heart-warming gratitude get old? Probably. Which means it should be a good challenge for me to keep things interesting.

That said, I'm not officially putting the LJ out to pasture. Not yet, at least. I just needed to shake things up a bit and start writing daily (or near-daily) again.

We'll see where it goes. So far, I'm liking it.

LA vs. NYC, 1.

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:47:48 GMT

I posted this on twitter this morning, but it bears repeating here:

- Average monthly cost of transportation in LA (gas, car payments, repairs, etc): ~$800.

- Average monthly cost of transportation in NYC (one monthly MetroCard): $81.

And they say New York is the more expensive city to live in? I call [hogwash] on that.

...

Moral of the story: My opinion of LA would rise dramatically if the city had a half-way decent public transportation system. Something more akin to this as opposed to this (the current configuration).

...

Aaaaaaand, hi. Sorry for yet another extended absence. But I'm back...for now.

Strung together like Christmas lights.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:02:56 GMT

It's been a good couple of weeks, by and large.

Last week might've found me the happiest I've been in...I don't know, months? Just lots of wonderful little uplifting moments: time well spent over hot chocolate with an old friend; time well spent with another dear friend as we engaged in vinyl therapy (i.e. shopping for records at Amoeba) and then played Rock Band into the wee hours of the morn; buying and listening to lots and lots of fantastic new music (MGMT, why hadn't I paid attention to you sooner?); exciting developments (i.e. progress) with the VW project; new opportunities presented, namely in returning to Iraq to tackle a project I've been kicking around for a while; new friendships forged and encouraging words exchanged, even if only over the internet; AGO+AXO winning Songfest for the 5th time in 7 years; Quincy Miller signing up for facebook.

You get the idea. It's been a good run.

I'm pretty sure I'm not bipolar, but if I were, this was probably a good swing over to the manic side of things. It was a pretty productive few weeks, but more in the sense that I found myself so energized with ideas and work to accomplish; for the first few nights of this week I got an average of 4.5 hours of sleep, as I was up late working on ideas and projects.

As it stands, I came up with several great ideas for some new writing endeavors that I'm going to put into play fairly soon, revisited some interesting ideas I'd dreamed up months and even years ago (in one case, going so far as to buy some tools and wood from Home Depot and building a model to see if one of these crazy ideas could actually be a patent-worthy invention...jury's still out, though), and took stock of a few potential opportunities (including the aforementioned one regarding Iraq) I have before me.

I write all of that with thanksgiving--knowing what a blessing it's been to not feel so unmotivated and uninspired, but rather, to feel excited about the future and the richness of possibilities that lie ahead. But I also write all of that with humility, aware of the truth in Robert Burns' line about "the best-laid plans of mice and men," and of the fact that this all could very well just be a temporary high before the next low comes. Even now, I'm starting to feel the slightest sense of the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction, and while things certainly don't appear as dire or devastating as they were a few months ago (financially, emotionally, etc), I'm getting that ominous sense of feeling overwhelmed, even suffocated, to the point of paralysis. It all seems so daunting, so intimidating.

Not to mention, despite all the encouraging moments I previously mentioned, it's been a lonely road, one that I'm ever painfully aware of. I thought that returning to LA would mean the end of quiet Friday or Saturday nights spent in solitude, the end of feeling unable to reach out and connect with new people (or even old friends), the end of looking around in desperation and wondering, "how long?" It's surely not for a lack of trying. It's just that the trying becomes so disheartening sometimes, and on top of that, I'm realizing more and more just how many barriers I put up so that people don't get to know me on a deeper level. It's probably a defense mechanism, a way to keep myself from getting so badly hurt again. Again, I write that fully aware of the words of a wiser man than I: in this case, C.S. Lewis' statement that a heart hidden from the potential for pain will itself become cold and hardened and unable to love.

I want to be real; to no longer hide who I am when I fear--as I so often do--what others will think of me. I want to find that sense of belonging that has more or less eluded me my entire life; does it even truly exist this side of heaven? I want to feel a sustained sense of: "Yes. This is what I'm capable of doing. This is what I'm capable of offering to the world. Nothing less, nothing more."

That, and I want to go buy tickets to watch the Dodgers play on a semi-regular basis. Who's with me?

Great. Just what the world needs...

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:12:26 GMT

...another online forum for me to wax pseudo-philosophical. Or whine. Or talk complete nonsense:

twitter.com/torsty

It's called micro-blogging: 140 characters or less per post. It's basically a site where all one does is post facebook statuses. If you feel so inclined, you can follow along as I twitter away. At this point, it's really just everyday nonsense...though I can't imagine it getting to be much more than that.

(Truth be told, I'm giving some thought to putting this LJ out to pasture. Maybe twitter will end up being the "next big [web] thing" for me.)

my new favorite website!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:23:56 GMT

Well, maybe not my absolute favorite. But I like it a lot:

It's called muxtape.com. It's the Web 2.0 take on crafting the mixtape/CD, one of my all-time favorite things to do for people I care a great deal for (example: the last girl I dated received no less than four mix CDs from me).

And because I care a lot about you, dear readers (yes, all six of you), I've created a muxtape for your listening pleasure. Those of you that browse the web all day while at the office (I know the feeling, since that's what I did back in the day) can listen to this in the background while checking e-mail/facebook/etc.

Or you can just take a quick glance and say, "Huh. That's nice."

It's all of a week or so old, so we'll have to wait and see just where this website goes. But for now, I like the über-simplicity of it all. And I like that you can only pick 12 songs to upload. It makes for a good challenge, which is part of the fun of making the perfect mixtape.

I was going to break the tracklist down and give a song-by-song explanation--I had already written up a good portion of them--but decided against it, at least for now. Partly because I feel like the blurbs I'd written for the songs weren't particularly good (then again, is any of my writing these days?), but partly--and more importantly--because, really, the music speaks for itself.

Maybe one or two of the tracks will even grab you in the indelible way that they grabbed me. I certainly hope they do.

"don't call it a comeback..."

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:59:24 GMT

Or, do. Whatever. SPIN goes so far as to call it a resurrection (which I'm cool with, given that it's deemed worthy of a cover story):

Either way, starting today, April 1st, 2008, they're officially back. And nearly everyone (save, of course, for Pitchfork) thinks this one is a pretty damn good album.

Me, I'm absolutely loving it, now two weeks in. I can't wait to go to Amoeba and pick up the vinyl version sometime during the day.

And now, to close this delirious fanboy posting, a few more of the album's choice lyrics that really strike a chord with me:

"You!
Savor your dying breath
Well, I forgive but I don't forget
You worked it out, let's hear that argument again
And camera three...Go! Now!"
--Living Well is the Best Revenge

"Throw it on the fire
Throw it in the air
Kick it out on the dance floor like you just...don't...care."
--Man-Sized Wreath

"I'm overwhelmed, I'm on repeat
Emptied out, I'm incomplete
You trusted me, I want to show you
I don't want to be the hollow man."
--Hollow Man

"A voice whispers, 'Son;
the blessed vision comes.'
What have I done?
What have I done?"
--Until the Day is Done

(And perhaps the most pertinent for me in my current state...)

"Where is the ripcord, the trap-door, the key?
Where is the cartoon escape hatch for me?
No time to question the choices I've made.
I've got to follow another direction.
Accelerate."
--Accelerate

"Jesus at Easter"

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:02:47 GMT

I was all set to post this on Easter Sunday; it's a passage from "The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus," a fantastic book by Brennan Manning (one of my favorite authors) that I've been working my way through as of late. I guess I got stuck trying to figure out what to say to preface the quoted passage, so instead I'll just get out of the way and let Manning's challenging, thought-provoking, but ultimately comforting words speak for themselves:

The Father calls us to be like His Son, Jesus, to become "another self," for His risen Son. Well, the life of the historical Jesus as presented in the Gospels is largely a life of failure, sorrow, rejection and loneliness before the final victory. On the eve of His death, Jesus had failed to convert anyone, even His own disciples. As he knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was in an agony so intense that His beads of sweat became drops of blood. "My soul," He said, "is ready to die with sorrow." His reproach to Peter, James and John, "Couldn't you watch even an hour with Me?" reveals how on that night Jesus longed for human companionship. The following day, the hallowing cries of acclamation of the previous Sunday turned to harrowing cries of rejection: "Crucify Him!"

Jesus never explained the "why" of suffering (though we may never have known the depth of His love if, for example, He had saved us with a smile). He simply made it the indispensable condition for discipleship. Never once did Jesus ask those who wanted to join the company of His friends if they were chaste, honest, sober or respectable. Never once did He attempt to charm anyone to His service with fair promises of happiness. On the contrary, with uncompromising honesty, He said, "If anyone will come after Me, let him take up his cross daily. And whoever does not take up his cross daily (not weekly or monthly) and come after Me cannot be My disciple."

Our Christian vocation is our heavenly Father's invitation to enter into the sufferings of Jesus Christ, to share His life of humiliation, misunderstanding, rejection, loneliness and inevitable victory. Whether we be priest or layperson, housewife or husband, coal miner or research physicist, these are but the life circumstances in which our resemblance to Christ crucified is to be achieved. The Father wills to conform us to the dying state of Jesus. And this is no chance affair. It is the interior law of the Father's purpose. Suffering is not an accident in the Christian life. It is a necessity imposed by divine decree. Confronted with the evidence of Christ's life and the life of the early church, we can say that suffering is the touchstone of the Christian life, and if the cross is not in your life, then it cannot be very Christian.

"Now I'm not one to sit and spin, 'cause living well is the best revenge..."

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:39:59 GMT

Two things of note:

One.

Remember how I said in the last post that there was one thing I was really looking forward to in the future? Well, it came a bit earlier than expected, much to my pleasure.

R.E.M.'s new album, "Accelerate" leaked to the internet last weekend, and--being the rabid fan / willpowerless individual I am--I immediately pounced on it.

In the seven days hence, I have listened to nothing else. It's ridiculously short (35 minutes long), so as soon as it's over, I'll fire it right back up from the beginning (a fact my roommates can certainly attest to). But wow, what an exhilarating 35 minutes! I haven't been this enamored with a new R.E.M. release since New Adventures in Hi-Fi graced me with its presence in 1996.

And even now, just one week after that first listen, the album has already been able to underscore and speak to my life as it is in the year 2008. Take the album's opener, "Living Well is the Best Revenge" (listen to it here), which is easily one of the most rousing numbers the band has ever recorded in its 28 years. The song deftly combines a sense of betrayal-induced anger with a swaggering confidence of moving on to bigger and better things. And it absolutely laces into the intended party:

It's only when your poison spins
Into the life you'd hoped to live
Suddenly you wake up in a shaken panic...now.

You set me up like a lamb to slaughter
Garbo as the famer's daughter
Unbelievable!
The gospel according to who?
I lay right down.

If that's not a spot-on depiction of how I feel these days, I don't know what is. But the album is chock-full of these kinds of self-identification moments for me. A few other examples:

- the previously name-checked "Hollow Man" (listen to a radio-ripped version here) offers another pretty accurate sense of how I feel, now firmly-ensconced in my late-20's ("Have I become the hollow man I see?");

- the moving "Until the Day is Done" ("Providence blinked, facing the sun / And where are we left to carry on until the day is done? / Until the day is done?") conveys a sense of mournful resolve in the face of despair, disappointment, and ultimately, one's questioning of faith.

Though I can't imagine not getting excited about a new R.E.M. release, Accelerate seems to be more than a rendezvous with a band that has come to mean so much in my life. R.E.M. has once again created a work that has given voice to the emotions I experience but can't fully explain; they've created a work that I can once again identify with, now in my less-than-amazing state of affairs in 2008. And maybe that's all I needed. Because, truth be told, listening to Accelerate has proved to be very cathartic, very soothing for me. Perhaps even something of a healing experience.

---

Two.

My friend Rey facebooked me the other day and asked if I would give a USC campus tour to a group of high school students he was bringing down from the Bay Area. I was more than happy to oblige, even though it had been years since I'd given a proper campus tour in any official capacity.

I was rusty with some (OK, a lot) of the facts, but I'm pretty sure I was able to convey the passion I have for my alma mater, and how very thankful I am to have spent four years there. And it seems like the students left the tour very impressed with the university, very excited about applying for admission there.

In giving that one-hour tour of the campus, I was reminded of my love for USC; reminded of how it still feels like "home" to me, even now, nearly five years after graduation. I may have nary a nice word to say about LA, but USC feels very much like a sanctuary, a place of refuge, within the so-called City of Angels.

My spirits were lifted that day, but it wasn't just because of the tour. I also got to meet up with Shannon, one of my dearest friends from SC, whom I worked with--along with Rey--as Orientation Advisors during the Summer of '01. Shannon now works at USC, so I got the chance to grab coffee and catch up--albeit briefly--with her. And as we sat there in the middle of campus under the protective watch of Tommy Trojan, who should walk up but another friend from our OA "Summer of Love," but Brandi (who also works on campus now as well).

So in the course of an hour, I was reunited with three friends from one of the best summers of my life. A summer that doesn't seem so distant as to have happened seven years ago now.

But even more than that: Brandi and I also worked together, in a closer capacity, as Orientation Coordinators after graduation (during Summer '03). So she was privy to all the ridiculous dreams and aspirations I had for my first few post-college years. Upon seeing me the other day--for the first time in ages--Brandi proceeded to list off the things she knew had transpired in my life since that summer, as though she were trying to assemble a puzzle:

"Let's see...you were in New York...living in an attic and playing in a band, right? OK, then you were an ice cream truck driver for a while? (The one fact I had to correct her on.) Then you went to...the Middle East?...taught school for a while, right? Crazy. And now, what's this I hear about a VW Bus you bought and turned into a movie?"

It was a very telling moment for me. A very encouraging moment. It was as though she was implicitly affirming that I had pretty much made good on all the things I'd hoped to do in my mid-20's. (Save, of course, for the ice cream truck. And the pilot's license.)

I may not be in the place I want to be right now, be it financially, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, career-wise, etc. I don't feel like I'm "living well" at all right now. But--despite the hardships and heartaches--I know that I have over the past five years.

And by the grace of God, I will again.

"I took the prize last night for complicated mess..."*

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 08:10:18 GMT

This may just be the depression talking, but: I'm sooooooo incredibly ready to see the day when I no longer regret every single decision I've made in the past 2.5 years of my life.

That day sadly doesn't seem to be anywhere on the horizon.

*This line comes from "Hollow Man," a breathtakingly vulnerable and poignant (and fantastic) song off R.E.M.'s forthcoming album, Accelerate. Its release in just over two weeks from now is pretty much the only thing about the future--foreseeable or otherwise--that I'm really excited about.

02/28/08, summed up:

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 18:26:57 GMT

(from a text message a friend sent me at 11:49 pm that night)

"The law of averages says this year will be far better than the last."

My reply: "I sure hope so."

...

Some friends are taking me out tonight to celebrate. I don't feel up for it. There's nothing to celebrate.

Dave, shaved.

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:44:47 GMT

Here's that "something glorious" I promised:

This is the fourth in a series of webisodes my buddy (and director of our VW project) Ryan is doing to chronicle and celebrate the moustache. I had already made plans to hit up Floyd's to get my hair cut and beard shaved with a straight razor, and Ryan asked if I would consider getting it shaved into a moustache so that he could film it for this series.

We made the appointment to do the shoot on a Thursday night, but--seeing as how this is wonderful, lovely Los Angeles--I ended up getting stuck in traffic on the way back from teaching my class at Santa Monica High that evening. All of which explains why I'm shown wearing my Revolution shirt and why my hands appear dirty in that one shot (I'm always using my hands to erase the dry-erase board in class); I just didn't have time to freshen/hipster up.

Chris was a fantastic barber; both very skilled and very gentle with the straight razor. Even though I was apparently gushing blood (I didn't realize this until I first watched the video), it was a lot less painful than the first straight-razor shave I got six months ago.

Incidentally, the handlebar 'stache lasted all of four hours, and only a handful of folks had the distinct pleasure of seeing me sporting it in person that evening.

coming attractions...of sorts

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:08:20 GMT

Tune in on Wednesday night (Thursday morning at the latest), when I post something glorious.

At least I hope it's glorious. I'm anxious to see it myself.

...

A real update, you ask? Now why would you think I'd have it in me to do that? This blog ain't called "Talk About the Despondency" now, is it?

Not yet, at least.

An open letter to the Pit of Despair

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 01:08:53 GMT

Hey there, Pit of Despair. It's been a while. How's the fam?

Listen, if it's all the same to you, could we just get this over with pretty quickly? I'd like to actually, you know, enjoy a portion of my twenties.

If not, that's cool, I guess. Your call.

Anyway, have a happy Valentine's Day. Send my best to the Missus.

All the best,
dave

to quote the Psalmist:

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:17:35 GMT

How long, oh Lord? How long?*

An open letter to my jawline

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 03:49:45 GMT

Dear old friend,

I hope you're not upset that I kept you hidden for the past month or so. It was nothing personal, I promise. I certainly am not ashamed of you; believe me, that beard's got nothing on you (well, not anymore, at least).

It's good to have you back. I missed you.

Hugs and kisses,
Dave

"Oh, you cried and you cried / He's alive, he's alive."

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 09:24:41 GMT

The new R.E.M. single debuted on radio and the web today.

I made this wonderful discovery at around 10:30 tonight, and pretty much haven't stopped listening to the song since.

The last line of the song sums up exactly how I feel about it (at least right now):

"Supernatural superserious, wow."

All good things must come to an end, it's true.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:02:49 GMT

So after 40 days of Grizzly Bear glory, the first chapter of the Year of the Beard must sadly come to an end. At least for me.

This weekend, we're shooting a few scenes for the VW documentary, scenes in which I need to look pretty much the way I did about a year ago. Which means: goodbye, long hair; goodbye, beard. It's been a fun experiment--one that garnered lots of compliments and positive feedback (and a fair share of comparisons to Jesus and/or Jim Morrison)--and, truth be told, I'm kinda bummed to have to go back to the clean-cut look.

But I figured: if it has to end, I might as well end the bearded/long-haired look in style. And so, this is where I'll be on Thursday night, getting a shave and a haircut for just a tad more than two bits. True, we discovered on Old Man Day that a straight razor shave isn't exactly the most comfortable experience in the world, but really, it's the only way to go in this instance.

Either way, chalk this whole experience up as one of the first life lessons I learned in 2008.

And that lesson? That I can grow a pretty kick-ass beard in just a matter of weeks.

An open letter to Tom from Myspace

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:42:03 GMT

Dear Tom,

Because of you and your God-forsaken website, I just wasted two perfectly good years of my young adulthood, and have absolutely nothing to show for it.

Thanks for nothing.

Kindest regards,
Dave

some things I'm looking forward to in the next few weeks/months

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:39:28 GMT

In somewhat-particular order:

- the ramp-up to the new (and from all accounts, hard-rockin') R.E.M. album is officially under way. The album comes out on April 1st, and we're at that fun point in the process where all the tidbits start to get released to the public at a fairly quick clip: the album title ("Accelerate") was revealed a few weeks ago, followed by the album cover a few days ago, then the tracklist, and today, a 30-second clip of the first single. And if all of that wasn't enough, the band created a website that plays a new 30-second video clip every day until the release date. Counting down the days to a new R.E.M. album with great anticipation has been one of my favorite (albeit maddening) activities since I anxiously awaited New Adventures in Hi-Fi's release in 1996. Twelve years later, and it's the same thing: I'm getting pretty antsy.

- Starting in a few weeks, I'll be taking an EMT class at a local community college. It's something I've wanted to do since I was 18, and the opportunity/timing was finally right. No, it's not that I'm looking for yet another potential career to add to the list; I've just always wanted to have the skills/ability to save someone's life if I ever found myself in that kind of situation. Call it the eternal Eagle Scout in me. Call it part of some strange Messiah complex (or the completion of my Jack Shepherd-ification). Whatever the case, I'm really looking forward to this, (and, admittedly, a tad nervous as well).

- Speaking of Jack Shepherd, I'm looking forward to the new season of LOST. I just hope it doesn't fall victim to the same sort of apathy/ennui that made me quickly lose interest in the second season of Heroes.

- I've been meaning to start roasting my own coffee beans for quite some time now (it's one of the few things I can say working at the 'Bucks has gotten me excited about)--I bought a pound of green coffee beans over the summer, and picked up the preferred appliance of the neophyte homeroaster (a popcorn popper), but I couldn't find a good, open space to give it a go without the potential of causing a fire and/or worrying the neighbors. Until now. Kathleen has a big back yard, and is graciously allowing me to potentially set it on fire. So that's another new hobby that's set to commence in a week or so.

- Speaking of the 'Bucks, I'm looking forward to (hopefully) being done with the gig there fairly soon. The tutoring/teaching business is growing more and more lucrative for me by the day, it seems.

- My favorite documentary from last year, The King of Kong, is set to come out on DVD next week, and to commemorate its release, Jonathan, Charlie, and I are hosting a viewing/old-school Donkey Kong playing party at our place. It'll be more fun than a...nevermind.

- Last (but not least), I'm looking forward to seeing what the reactions are to this:

That's about three weeks' worth of no shaving right there.

Was lost, but now I'm...well, still lost, but a bit more enlightened.

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 18:13:49 GMT

Last night was the culmination of a nearly eight-month journey for me:

At long last, I am caught up--and yes, just a little obsessed--with LOST.

Up until last June, I had only seen glimpses of the show. I wanted to know what the big fuss was all about, but I didn't know if I was ready for the commitment to another serial TV show (I mean, I had just gotten hooked on Heroes). But the stars happened to align for me and LOST this past summer: Jonathan moved in, and Julie left her Seasons 1 and 2 DVD sets with me so that I could get caught up.

So Jonathan became my LOST-sherpa, and together, we worked our way through the 72 40-minute episodes. And it became a great little bonding time for the two of us.

We started in June; the first season took a few weeks--maybe a month--to get through, the second season even less time. The third season was a bit more difficult, as the DVD wasn't released until just last month. We ended up tracking down episodes online, downloaded them, and then would hook Jonathan's iBook up to our 52" TV to watch them.

Somewhere around August or September, though, we got stuck. Maybe it was because I was teaching and tutoring 3-4 nights a week, throwing mine and Jonathan's schedules off a bit. Maybe it was that I now had a little less interest/desire in watching yet another one of Julie's favorite TV shows. Maybe it was just meant to be; we had only worked our way through the first 5 or 6 episodes of Season 3, and--as was the case with the actual airing of the show--it would be a number of months before we started up again...maybe that's just how the show was meant to be viewed.

Whatever the case, we finally got back on track in the last month or so, and last night, finished up with the thrilling Season 3 finale, just two weeks away from the Season 4 premiere. The timing couldn't have been better.

...

The first thing I did after catching up was to go back and read Jonathan's LOST-lists, the ones he wrote way back in May. The ones I'd waited eight months to read. They're good--if you like the show, go back and take a lot at 'em before the next season begins.

...

Over the past few weeks, as the beard has been coming in more and more, I've been comparing myself to various characters on the show. At first, I thought the long hair and stubble made me look a bit like Sawyer (my favorite character on the show, incidentally). Then the beard filled out, and I thought I looked more like Desmond. Now, after having seen the Season 3 finale, I'm pretty sure I look the most like bearded Jack. Which seems about right, considering I probably feel the most like bearded Jack these days.

...

So then. I guess I'm now officially part of the club. Who's excited for Season 4?

When it rains, it...I dunno, gets wet or something.

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 06:43:19 GMT

So my iBook--Artie*--is either dead or in a computer-coma.

Yeah, kind of a bummer. I've had to rely on Charlie's identical iBook--Degas--to keep me at least semi-connected to the ~~outer world~~ internet until I can find out: a) what's wrong, and b) whether it's fatal, or if it's just going to cost a lot of money to fix (in which case, it might as well be fatal).

It could well be that this is Artie's subtle way of telling me, "Hey stupid, would you cut it out with all the depressive rants?"

To which I say, "Point well taken, Artie. Point well taken."

We'll see what the Mac Geniuses have to say tomorrow. It could be more proof that "everything I love gets lost in drawers," as that lyric from The National goes.

---

*Named after the Strongest Man in the World, of course.

the dark post (wherein I tell you that I'm losing whatever little motivation I had.) - EDITED

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:17:36 GMT

I don't know if I'll be able to post my Top 10 of 2007 list any time soon.

This time, it's not 'cause I didn't write it. Quite the contrary: what I have right now is a 3,000 word beast that is just begging to be cut down significantly. It's all there, it just needs a good edit. Or two. Or ten.

But the truth is, right now, I don't really care anymore. I'm angry and upset at how 2007 ultimately turned out. I find myself wishing I had never moved back to LA. Wishing that I had never wasted my time, my energy, my money, and my emotions on things that have since left me feeling completely cold and empty. And used.

[EDIT: 1/14 @ 10:35 AM - I'm cutting the section that used to reside here in this depression-fueled rant, because--while a very accurate portrayal of some of the inner emotional turmoil I'm dealing with these days--it ended up going much further than what I really wanted to say here. Which is that, right now, 2007 feels like a wasted year in some respects.]

So, all that to say, I just don't feel like posting a Top 10 list that puts a cheery, whitewashed spin on the year that was 2007. Maybe in a year from now, huh?

...

(It's entirely possible that seeing I Am Legend last night with Jonathan contributed to this sense of abject despondency. Seeing Will Smith's powerful portrayal of a man who watches as everyone he loves is taken from him...well, it might have hit a little too close to home for me. We probably should've opted for Alvin and the Chipmunks.)

An update on the aforementioned "new year's beard."

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 21:12:41 GMT

Ten days into the New Year, and so far, I have yet to grow "absolutely disgusted" with the beard. In fact, quite the opposite:

2008 is now officially "The Year of the Beard."

I started growing the facial hair out to symbolize a new (if ultimately feeble and futile) "don't give a damn" attitude towards girls. But--external displays of jadedness aside--that didn't change the fact that I just didn't like how I looked with it...at first. Seeing Letterman and Conan both sporting strike-beards certainly was a bit of inspiration for me to keep the fledgling facial hair growing. As was seeing T-Mac's tasteful, classy Grizzly Bear Adams at our Rose Bowl viewing party.

But the determination to keep going in the face (pun fairly-unintended) of self-disgust really came about from a conversation with Austin and Jonathan moments before seeing Quincy's performance in "A Christmas Twist." Austin's been growing his beard for over a month, and it's quite lumberjack-ish. Jonathan hadn't shaved since the Rose Bowl, and I had gone for perhaps a week without shaving, so the decision was made then and there: we would follow Austin's lead and let this madness continue unabated for a while.

And I have to say, nearly two weeks in now, I'm rather enjoying the look. It makes for, as Austin pointed out, a "darker, edgier, maybe even just a bit sexier Dave T. then we've known before." Not that that's exactly what I was going for...then again, maybe it was. Whatever. All I know is that it itches like hell.

And no, I'm not putting a picture up. Yet.

...

Also, R.I.P. Letterman's strike beard.

songs from 2007 that I like a great deal, 1.

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 10:16:05 GMT

"Slow Show" by The National is one of those songs that latches on and doesn't let go until I've listened to it on repeat about 20 times every day. It absolutely kills me.

Especially, especially this verse:

"Made a mistake in my life today
Everything I love gets lost in drawers
I want to start over, want to be winning
Way out of synch from the beginning."

And the coda...don't get me started on how powerful, elegant, and vulnerable the coda is:

"You know I dreamed about you
For 29 years before I saw you..."

Such a subtle yet utterly engrossing track. Have a listen for yourself by finding the song/album at #9 on this page.

Three things, all of little-to-no consequence.

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:48:24 GMT

1. I think I've decided to grow a New Year's beard. We'll see how long it takes for me to get absolutely disgusted with it...it probably won't take long.

2. The first two articles I read in 2008: a "non-profile" about Pete Carroll in LA Magazine (a portion of which was later cited by the commentators during the Rose Bowl telecast) and a New Years-themed article in the NYT about a study on regret. The two articles made for an interesting juxtaposition of ideas; lots of food for thought for the new year.

3. As if that last post wasn't self-indulgent enough, I've added some visual aids to the whole mess.